Battered Men

(Domestic Violence Against Men)

Rest assured that I respect every clinician and agency associated with helping survivors of domestic violence men and women alike. I have worked with countless survivors myself, with grace and with humility. Never though, have I come across so many men in mandated anger management who have a secret they been hiding from the world. “The Hidden Crime”… Violence Against Men. While working a local non profit agency, I taught anger management and had numerous men who admitted to their own crimes of abuse toward their female partners but who had also been abused for years by these same partners. Some abused one another and other men where the sole victim of abuse.

Initially when I began teaching anger management I questioned myself about the frequency of men being abused by their partners. So I began digging via research and after taking into account my clinical training and numerous psychology articles and reputable studies. I came to realize that the number of men who are victims and survivors of domestic violence was pretty daunting and so underrepresented.

So it was, that, this was my ongoing experience teaching anger management in a co ed group. Countless times, the cascade of tears would fill the room when a man shared the deep and scarring shame he felt after getting “beat up by a chick.” The humiliation they talked about and felt in their moment of revelation was dense and encompassed the room in its entirety. It was devastating to hear and yet humility was at the center of the room. Gosh, I miss those clients…yet, I am grateful that I was there with them and that I left them in good hands.

I expected the women in the group to protest, but they did not. Instead, some looked down to the floor, others showed tension in their bodies, a few watery eyes, and one soul got up and sat next to these men every time it happened. It was the most exquisite dilemma. They either put their hands gently on top of the man sharing, extended verbal empathy, or asked permission to hug them. It was these moments and so many more that humility and compassion on my part were vital and the learning experience was invaluable.

Today, the crime of DV against men remains in the shadows of shame. Shame perpetuated by the victims themselves and or by society. Mocking those inflicted and at times even blaming them. Many people view male victims of domestic violence as soft or as weak. This common attitude makes men reluctant to admit that their partners physically abuse them for fear of being labeled as weak and unmanly. If you are one of these men, you are not alone and I’m here to listen with empathy and with unconditional regard.

Please contact me for confidential support. I promise, that I will listen with an open heart and maintain a warm presence alongside you.

“Even when domestic violence against men turns fatal, as it did with celebrity Phil Hartman, the news coverage usually departs from focusing on domestic violence and centers on mental illness. This shift incites public sympathy for the perpetrator, in this case Hartman's wife.”

If you are in immediate danger, call 9-1-1.

For anonymous, confidential help, 24/7, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or  1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

For more information on DV against men read Gluck’s article here: https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/domestic-violence/domestic-violence-against-men-males-victims-of-domestic-abuse